Gina Is Crazy... About Cats!

Today is the best day of the year and I'm not just whistling dixie here. By "whistling dixie" I am obviously talking about petting and brushing several dozen cats until they pass out from over-brushing and since I am doing that, I guess I'm actually whistling a butt-load of dixie right about now. Anyway, yesterday was my birthday, but I had to go to jury duty instead of hang out with felines (a.k.a. cats), so it didn't really count. As it turns out, some guy threw twenty-seven stupid dogs out the window of his apartment into a volcano and so they arrested him for being totally awesome or something. Anyway, I was on the jury until I got into a shouting match with a tree stump regarding the dangers of cats getting stuck in trees and then they asked me to leave after about six minutes of solid tazering. So, here I am today, celebrating my birthday. By the way, I'm twenty-seven years old and I celebrated by throwing twenty-seven dogs out of my apartment and into a volcano. Wait, that was yesterday... Cats are my favorite!

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me! Meow-meow meow-meow meow-meow. Happy Catsday cats cat!

Cats are stupendous! If I had a dollar for every cat I thought was awesome, I'd buy a cat with all the money! Then, with the cat I just bought, I would play a game I invented called "Cats & Robbers" where you pretend to rob a cat store while your cat pretends to be a cat. Only by "pretend to rob a cat store" you actually rob one and leave with all their cats and cat-sweaters and books about cats and cat care. Anyway, science discovered a new cat; check it out! Meow (cats!)!

I met this new guy and he's totally better than my old boyfriend. My old boyfriend was okay, but this one is just like my old one only his whole head is like a giant cat head. How completely cat-tastic is that? Boyfriends are great when they're cats and that means that this boyfriend is super great because he's basically a giant man-cat! Some people think that he's a monster but he's not, he's a HUGE monster!

Some cats in the future will have lasers that shoot out of their dome. It's going to be just like now, only with lasers! Lasers make cats happier because of all the power and heat from the lasers. If cats are happy, then I'm crazy too. Hooray!

I may not know too much about not being crazy, but I do know a lot about yes being crazy! I also know that cat's are funny. Here are some pictures of cats being totally hilarious and also why they are so hilarious:


Cats can't play football! You funny cat! Even if you could play football, a melon will never do as a helmet! You look ridiculous! La la la, cats!

Cats hate water! Oh no! This cat is so wet that he can't think about anything except for how wet he is. He's so wet that I can't think about anything other than how wet he is also! Wow, that's wet! Cats!

This cat is bonkers! Me too! Cats!

I found some pictures of people hating on cats. That makes me so angry! I'm going to post them so that people know how not to treat cats. Do not do the following things to cats unless you're another cat in which case, you're allowed to do anything because you're probably adorable!


Don't dustbuster your cat!


Don't shoot your cat in the face with a gun!


Don't let your baby eat your cat!

Here are some cool pictures of cats that are awesome. Fat cats are better because they give you more cat than a normal cat. I also like them because I like to pretend that I own every cat in the world, including sabre-toothed tigers because they were like the best cats ever except for when they killed all those cavemen. But cavemen liked dogs, so I guess that's cool. Fuck you, cavemen!

You don't know me but I certainly do! That's because I'm Gina the crazy cat lady. I love cats so much that one time I found a cat and took him to the vet and spent a ton of time and money on the whole process. The vet doctor was like, "Maybe I should be giving you drugs to help you with your advanced case of the crazies instead of poking my finger in this cat's butthole!" I was all, "Shut up, you stupid vet doctor! I'm Gina and I hate you!" Then, I grabbed the cat by its whiskers and jumped out the window and got in my car and chowed down on a tasty bowl of Fancy Feast. Cat food is gross but it makes me appreciate cats more, so sometimes I eat a bunch of it in my car with all the windows rolled up. Then, we went home and tore up some pictures of dogs. I hate dogs! Dogs think they're so bad ass but you know what? They're about as bad ass as a day at the dog show, which is anti-bad ass on account of all the dogs that are there. I'm going to go play some softball and by that I mean pet some cats. Later!